The Ingenious Gentleman Don Quixote of La Mancha is a story that most of us have heard of, usually from some Lit class from high school. What stands out in the memory of most is a crazy man fighting windmills. Those of us that have only given it that cursory of a look have missed a giant part of the story.
In the main character, we have a man that has engrossed himself in stories of heroes, chivalry, and the pursuit of truth. As he ages, his minds starts to bend to the belief that these stories are true. That loyalty, bravery, and a fierce desire to do good is not only a honest goal, but an attainable one. Throwing a saddle on his old horse, donning a old, ragged suit of armor, and convincing his friend, Sancho, to accompany him…he sets out on quests born in his old and tired mind, to win the love of his one and only…Dulcinea. He takes the impossible stories that he has read and applies them to his everyday life, believing them to be true, possible, and absolutely needed in his world. This would be no different than someone, in today’s world, donning a red cape and walking the streets as Superman, looking to change the world and win the heart of Lois Lane.
As you would expect, he is met with ridicule and scorn by those that fail to understand his vision. He “tilts at windmills” they say….attempting impossible acts to satisfy an unrequited love. He is betrayed by those close to him. Eventually, it is not his defeats that destroy him, but the realization that those things he believed in had no place in his world…a fact that sent him to his death bed.
I first remember reading this story in high school, not as an assignment, but by a suggestion from an English teacher, who thought that it would be something I needed to read. He came to this conclusion after reading some things that I had written on my own time. I used to call them “thoughts”. Just words jotted down when the mood hit me. I had a girlfriend back then, named Tracey. She was the first person I ever showed them to. She really liked them and told me that I should show someone that had a little more knowledge than either of us had to see if they were really any good and what I could do to make the better. Although, a lot of the “thoughts” were heartache sort of things, a handful were about the emotional scars and the moral plateaus I had reached after dealing with the act and the cause of my parent’s divorce. The ugly, selfish, and uncaring nature of their acts during that time left an imprint on me. It centered my way of thinking. And it made me believe that we were supposed to be better than that, as human beings. Especially to those closest to us.
This teacher really seemed to like the things I had written. He said that the romantic things were beautiful, but sort of simple and not well thought out. But, the ones that really got to him were those that seem to come straight from an angry or damaged place inside me. His suggestion to read the 17th century Cervantes book was for me to see that I was not alone in my way of thinking. And that it was a sentiment that was not a new one to my generation. The idea that we could strive for better than we are, even if our goals may seem unrealistic to some, is not rare or in any way new. My take on the subject was different than a man challenging buildings to a duel. But, the principle was the same. To challenge the weak to be stronger than they knew they could be. His other motive was to show me that the world isn’t always ready for different. It’s not always open to something outside the status quo. Looking back, I think what he was trying to show me was that our world (at that time) had become a very selfish one. The changes that had occurred over the last decade or so had changed the moral outlook of the country and expression and love were a much freer things than they had ever been. Adults at the time we about a era that saw the divorce rate climb to over fifty percent for the first time. Television had become our major form of entertainment and had schooled us on the idea that all of life’s problems could be solved in less than thirty minutes. Women watched soap operas in record numbers, seeing people living lives they could only dream about and believing that not only was it normal, but it was expected. And when real life different play that out, they jumped ship. Not that it was all the wives’ faults. Men found women more available and didn’t let a little thing like a wedding ring or vows get in the way. Thus are the things that saw the end of my parent’s marriage, along with a lot of others. This beautiful story was introduced to me to show me, as he explained, that there is nothing to be ashamed of in “tilting at windmills” and it’s those that dare to do it that teach us the most.
I carried that tale in my gut and mind for a lot of years. But, soon alcohol and other things seemed to shrink the notion and shelve the idea that I could change the world. My moral compass slipped. And my “quests”, as well as the voice in my head that helps me create these things you read, seemed to vanish.
It wasn’t until I got sober that I picked up the book again and reread it. It was simply an act of looking in a book store for something new to read, and walking out with an old friend and his tale of bravery and scorn.
You may notice, that unlike some others who may discuss this book, I have not used the word “madness”. Although Don Quixote’s enemies were self-made and his idea of love was a bit misguided, the thought that the world could use a little bit of chivalry inserted back into it was not. In his buffoonish way, he tried to be the light of possibility to those that witness his acts, thinking that if he could just get a few to see what he could see…feel what he could feel…that the world would be a better place. He thought he could win the woman he loved with his bravery. And he thought he could bring back those ideas that others seemed to believe lost.
What I gained most from this story in rereading it is that we must find a way to create our own moral centers. To determine those things that are important to us. We must do our best to provide bravery, courage, wisdom, loyalty, honesty, and care to those that mean the most to us. And we must demand the same in return. But, the mistake that Don Quixote makes, that we are just not allowed, is allowing our own falters from this lofty perch or the failure of others to reach the level we expect to crush our very souls. We must never fail to learn from out mistakes and allow others to learn from theirs. And we must allow for forgiveness from us and to ourselves. We must also hold those accountable as we would hold ourselves. And never allow ourselves to feel we don’t deserve the very best from all that we meet, but remember that there are times we are just not going to get it. We must value our own self worth and the heart, soul, and mind of others. And, if we are lucky enough to fall in love with someone who loves us in return, we must strive to honor, respect, care for, protect, and never fail those people. Disappointments will happen, but they are not failures. They are opportunities to learn. Repeated disappointments can spell failure if we are unwilling to learn from the pain we cause.
There are those who have recently questioned my honesty. I challenge them to prove me wrong. I stood up against a windmill. Although there were others pointing at the windmill and whispering it’s danger, I was one of the few who was willing to point it out and stand up for what I had to say. Because of that, I am no longer friend with some…and have had my loyalty questioned by others. It’s fine. I know where my motives were. I know what was in my mind. And I know what I said and did. And I have nothing to hang my head over.
So, I will suit up. I will take all that you have to offer. But, what some fail to realize….what they missed in the story….is that it wasn’t the windmills that killed the warrior. They had no real power over him. It was the lost love and the heartbreak of realizing that no one wanted all he had to give.
This is not the same story. This one has a different ending. No lost love. No heartbreak. Just discarding of the shallowness and rising above the childish nature of the world we find ourselves in.
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