I hope I never do!

“Do you think you will ever be able to get used to this?”

It was a question that caught me off guard. Spoken quietly, only meant for me. I looked back at the questioner and quickly agreed that I would. But, the question wouldn’t leave me alone. I spent the next hour or so rolling this question over in my mind, along with my answer. It just didn’t seem right. Something made me think I should have thought longer about my answer. It was later that I realized my mistake and corrected it.

In my thought process of working through all this, I realized all the things that I had taken for granted in my life. Some of them negative and some not so. The negative things aren’t important here other than to say that they are things that may explain why I knew I had to change my answer to this question. It is those things that have made me believe the worst of myself to be true that have led me to a situation where the simple things mean so much to me. I am sometimes embarrassed by my reactions to these things. I seem not to be able to hide my emotions when I stop and think about the meaning of the action that caused me to pause. After living a life that was as shutdown emotionally as anything could be, the mental floodgates that we all use to hold back these reactions seem to be wide open for me at times like this. I don’t apologize for this. I am becoming open to the idea that this is who I really am and I am fine with it. Others may not be, but I am…and that is really all that matters.

I will not say what caused this question. I will only say that it was a simple, yet amazing act. It was a sensitive and caring gesture that stirred my heart and caused me to smile so naturally that I couldn’t control it…over and over again. I think it may have a repeated showing of this reaction that caused the question,.

It was later, on a porch that I had to stop and re-answer the question. I explained that I had lied. My answer had been incorrect. It was not that I didn’t think I could ever get used to what we had been referring to. It was that I realized that the truth was, I never wanted to get used to it. I wanted to smile at my surprise to it every time it happened. Every day. I never wanted to take for granted the absolute miracle of it. I wanted to appreciate it every day. Like a sunrise. Or a rain storm. A rainbow. Or the opening of rose petals on a spring morning. These things happen everyday. But, their frequency does not diminish my wonder in them…my absolute awe in the work of God. Although what the question was referring to may not seem to be something that was directed by God, I believe that He has played a big part in the courage, faith, strength, and emotion that has allowed these things to occur.

So, for all of us I say…the simple acts….a hug when you need one and even when you don’t…the smile that lets you know that you are important to someone…the touch of a hand in yours…or the light stroke of fingers on your wrist when you are as comfortable as you could ever find yourself to be….these are the things that we should never get used to. These are the things that we should always appreciate. And these are the things that will make me smile…everyday.