Grace

I will be honest, the last few days have filled me with a strong sense of awe. I don't mean to sound as if I making more out of anything than there is or could ever be. It's not about that. It's about the grace that has been exhibited.

Imagine this, someone comes to you and says they are going to give you a job, great benefits, and outstanding pay. Sounds amazing. Who wouldn't want that? Now, the catch is that the job is scraping out the bottom of septic tanks. Wouldn't that seem to be a bad luck falling all over you? I mean, everyone wants more money. And the benefits are always a good thing to have. But, the payoff is a little tough to receive knowing exactly what is delivered upon you. Now, think of it this way. You are not given a choice whether to take it or not. It's just there. You can walk away, but the job isn't going anywhere...at least not right away.

That has to be what this must feel like. Someone lets you know that they have something inside of them for you that everyone on Earth is looking for in their life at some point. To have someone think so much of them, that they can't think of much else. To have someone think you are beautiful, inside and out. To have someone tell you that the thought of the touch of your hand on theirs keeps them up nights. And the catch? It's not who you want it to be. Probably not even close.

My concern over the last few days has been that I would lose someone that I find becoming a good friend. I value friendships more than most things. Jobs come and go. Relationships like marriage have a very high fail rate. Life changes all the time. But, the one constant that I have found is the love and concern of friends. It rarely wavers. And that is a valueable thing. And a very difficult thing to risk. Especially when it's really only just getting started.

That risk, plus the risk of being ridiculed has kept my mouth shut about this, except for vague references, for a very long time. I should have known better. I should have trusted my judgment of character.

The grace that has been shown in the last couple of days has reminded me that there still are some very special people left out there. The grace that has been shown has touched me more than I can put into words. This is a special person. But, to be honest, I knew that already. What has happened over the course of the last 72 hours or so is just proof to the belief. Like a miracle rewards faith, grace has rewarded me with so much. So, so much. A sense of peace. A sense of being seen for who I am. I released a secret and got repaid with a kindness and a sense of concern for my feelings that we don't see very often. Nothing else may have changed very much, but this blessing has shown me that the only way to true happiness is to take the risk, trust your judgment, and allow your faith in others to be rewarded.

If this ended tomorrow, not another word between us, it would not diminish how I have felt recently. It would not remove the smile from my face. I would miss. I may even mourn the loss. But, my heart would always be guided by the reminder that when handed this "gift", her grace saved me.